Bullying – what is it, what to do

It has recently been Anti-Bullying week in the UK in an attempt to reduce and eradicate bullying. This is a particularly unpleasant experience which can have a long term effect for years to come, if not a lifelong trauma effect Bullying in childhood “throws a long shadow” into victims’ adult lives…

So what is bullying? 

According to the Anti-Bullying Alliance, the definition is:

“The repetitive, intentional hurting of one person or group by another person or group, where the relationship involves an imbalance of power. Bullying can be physical, verbal or psychological. It can happen face-to-face or online.”

So the key words are ‘intentional’, ‘repetitive’, ‘hurting’ and ‘imbalance of power’.  

Young children especially can use the word ‘bullying’ quite loosely to mean that they have fallen out with someone or they didn’t get their own way.  This can make it tricky to take things seriously when they actually are being bullied – a bit like ‘The Boy Who Cried Wolf’. However, it really is key to approach bullying accusations seriously and with action.  This will help to keep your relationship with your child strong and positive. Use the four key words to ascertain whether your child’s treatment is bullying or just growing pains.

What to do next

If you decide that the behaviour that your child is experiencing is indeed bullying, then try and get as many details as possible recorded.  This is great evidence if needed, will arm you with the knowledge that you are correct and your child will know that you are taking them seriously.

If your child is at school, then they need to know before things get out of hand. The class teacher or form tutor in the first instance. Then a quick escalation if nothing seems to change. An open, honest relationship with your child will help them to tell you if things are wrong.  Changes in behaviour can be hard to spot during these turbulent teenage times, so keep reassuring them that you have their back, even if they don’t seem to appreciate it!

All schools are naturally anti-bullying.  Primary schools can keep a tighter lid on things as they are smaller, the children are generally all in the same place throughout the day and they have just one teacher who knows their class really well. This gets trickier at middle, secondary and upper schools because the exact opposite is the case.  Plus the hormone surge which can turn situations on their head very quickly. 

If a child is part of an organisation where bullying occurs, then the organisation should have very strict guidelines to follow and should be alerted immediately. If the bullying is online, then a different approach is needed. Cyberbullying has been harder to deal with in the past, but there are many preventative measures that you can take now and there is a lot more talk in school about how to spot cyberbullying and what to do about it (see websites below)

What if your child is not the victim, but the bully?

This can conjure up many feelings in you, but your child may not recognise that they are being a bully or there is very likely a reason behind their behaviour. So spend some time talking through what has happened and that their behaviour is inappropriate and unacceptable. Explain to them honestly how things are going to move forward from that point and maintain that level of conversation moving forward with your expectations clear. 

Childline has a huge amount of information to help with this and many other areas.

Bullying has often been glossed over in the past as part of growing up, and some people will say unhelpful things like ‘it didn’t harm me’ or young people are just being ‘woke’, but the reality is, bullying is harmful when it happens, but also harmful into adulthood.  The quicker it is dealt with and the more empathetic and supportive you can be, the better for everyone. 

Some helpful websites and phone numbers

“We understand how difficult it is for children to talk about bullying. Whether it’s happening now or happened in the past, Childline can be contacted 24/7. Calls to 0800 1111 are free and confidential. Children can also contact Childline online.” NSPCC

ThinkUKnow has age specific advice for children aged 4 through to teenagers.

Own It is the BBC’s dedicated site for helping young people with life online.

Online safety advice
Whether you’re an online expert or you’re not sure where to start, our tools and advice will help you keep your child safe.

CEOP Education
A website from National Crime Agency’s CEOP Command about keeping children and young people safe on the internet.

UK Safer Internet Centre
Promoting the safe and responsible use of technology for young people.

Internet Matters
A site to help empower parents and carers to keep children safe in a digital world.

SUE

Owner of Red Bird Tutoring